He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
