You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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