Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
