party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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