you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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