Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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