dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
