it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
