? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
