You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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