I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
