i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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