What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
