we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
