good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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