I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
