why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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