I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
