Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
