alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
