dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
