how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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