He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
