I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
