I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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