i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
