I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
