If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
