my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
