i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
