no, he came in my armpit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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