I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
