I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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