Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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