I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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