hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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