if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
