God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
