I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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