I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
