dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
