just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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