and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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