Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
