YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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