Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
