Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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