It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ate ashes out of my bong
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
