something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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