I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
