What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
