Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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